When I became a mother, I expected many things:
sleepless nights
poopy diapers
lots of feedings
But there was one thing I didn’t expect, and it completely blindsided me. It began knocking on my mind’s door immediately after Jonathan entered my world, and continues even after more than a decade of parenting.
Mommy guilt.
I know I’m not alone.
The information we have access to–parenting books, blogs, magazines, and more–doesn’t always help. That’s because there is so much, and often they completely contradict each other.
I find it next to paralyzing at times to know that no matter how I discipline my children, someone somewhere thinks it’s the wrong way. The same goes for how I feed them or how much TV I do or don’t let them watch. And pretty much every other possible issue.
It’s enough to make a rookie mama throw up her hands and give up before she’s even gotten started.
And the burden gets heavier.
Over my 15 years as a mother, I have had countless times where I’ve restrained my tongue instead of yelling, countless times I’ve held it together in the face of major tantrums, countless times I’ve just managed, by the grace of God, to make the best decision in a difficult situation.
There have also been a handful of times when I have completely blown it.
Guess which ones I still remember?
And the burden gets heavier.
Some parenting materials suggest that if you follow their “program,” your young children will soon behave like quiet, nearly perfect adults.
So if your young children are not quiet, or perfect, are you doing something wrong?
And the burden gets heavier.
But what is guilt? It is the sister to worry and ultimately, fear. All three–completely invisible forces–with the power to control our visible worlds.
I haven’t found the magic secret for banishing guilt forever, but I am on to something. It’s a conviction I cling to when the heaviness becomes too much to bear, and it is this:
There is more than one “right” way to raise children.
I am the only one (along with my husband) who knows what that way is for my unique family. And when I don’t know, Someone who is even more invested in my family than I am has promised to show me.
A passage I wrote in my first book, Steady Days, to encourage other mamas, I sometimes reread to encourage myself:
“As mothers, we are the ones with the intuition and wisdom about what will work for our children. In times of inner conflict or indecision, just remember–you are the expert!”
And as I start to acknowledge my inner expertise, I feel my breath slowing, I feel invisible lies shrinking as darkness evaporates.
And the burden gets lighter.
Best of all, the joy returns.
Ready for more calm, less guilt, and quiet joy as a mother? Check out my Introverted Moms’ community, and add your name to the waiting list!
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